im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
