it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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