so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
