my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
