I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
