Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
