It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
