Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
