Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize