There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
