My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
