The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
