nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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