I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Less talking, more tequila
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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