that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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