You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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