Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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