3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize