Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
