Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
