i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize