I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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