i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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