im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
