how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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