Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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