That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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