absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
