you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
