I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
