my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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