I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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