Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
