he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
