I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
