I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
