the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
