Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
