third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
