How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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