He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
