fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
