they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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