you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
