3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
