Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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