Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
