Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
