Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
