my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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