Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
