Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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