and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize