So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
