Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
A bitchslap is in order.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
