I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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