i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
