So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize