you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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