one two three fourrrrnication!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
