after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
