You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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