how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
