have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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