Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
