Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
