I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
...so i touched it.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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