I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
