she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
