I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
