do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
