I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
