We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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