she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
