Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
