Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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