3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
