What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
