hotel room ftw
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize