After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
