I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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