i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
