Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize